He's the type of guy that would only want the outside image of an individual gal which I'm definitely talking about the physical appearance. But honestly, the longer we keep in touch, the deeply I'm madly, crazily, falling in love with him. And it's like I'm learning more about him now, my own boyfriend, little by little and I'm glad about it.

To tell you this, by the time he asked me before when we broke up if I do still love him, I tried to convince him that my feelings for him is gone though I am still, deep.. deep down in my heart I am. I was like, I had enough of this so I have to let go of him and accept that he would no longer love me back and move on or I'll die with this so much pain in my heart. But i guess this might not be the right time yet so that makes me give him another second chance and for myself to love him again and again and again although for me, loving him is a poison that kills every nerve of my heart and I say my heart skips a beat, for only him.. and probably it would be, over and over a billion times or even a zillion. HAHA.

I actually had a big doubt about his 'genuine love' for me after the time I said yes to his courtship. I don't even know why Lord met us up and why I love him still at this very moment. I just don't understand happenings around me lately. Am i the one that should change him? Am I the one obligated to teach him the right way to treat his girls? I set him free a lot of times and God knows that but he comes back right after, right? So, does that mean we were made to be together? HAHA! Well I guess i would just love him the way I want and now that i could still.. still show him how much love could hurt but the greater part is, make his a life a blissful one.

Here's another secret, my reason why I accepted him back in the first place is because I want to revenge and make him realize that i am the wrong one he toy with. But now, things got more complicated. My plans are all ruined, destroyed. It made me harder to ignore this love I'm feeling for him and continue to do my revenge but on the other side, somehow it make me stronger. And the weird thing is, I already forgot what he did to me, how much pain he put into me and that was totally all of a sudden. Brainwash, I suppose. And now, all i know is when he finally realizes to love the right way and learn to value the thing he loves the most, that my be the right time to finally let go and be happy for him.

After all, I'm contented enough that he proved how much I meant to his world and how he tries to have his own new life. Perhaps this was all challenges for the two us. Seriously, he took a big part of my life and so as here in my heart and he would always have a special place in here, no matter what. We have nothing in common, but would surely learn a lot from each other. Love just takes time. And I would take that as a lesson in life.