Thursday, February 18, 2010
SHOOT. Wala na nman kme. >____________<
And I think there's no way of putting it back. After all the good times, parang hindi na kami magkakilala ngayon. Pero sa tingin ko ganun naman talaga. Kaya nga that's one thing why I was not in favor of bestfriends turning lovers. Sayang naman kasi yung friendship nio. I'm sure after break parang strangers na ang trato sa isa't isa.
Now I miss him so much that it hurts I couldn't even tell him that. We parted last February 7, exactly two days before we turn 5 months. Got it? UHH. Kainis tlga. Nung una I thought it was because he found another girl and doesn't love anymore but after a few days I knew that it's because of his parents.. not approving of me. And it was also informed to me that if he wouldn't break up with me he would be deported back to Philippines.
That was the only time I realized that he'd choose not to talk with me rather than not seeing my everyday of his life. And he tries to find another one I know he wants to forget me but hopefully if we see each other in Manila we could talk and have some time.
Honestly, this was the first time I have pleased somebody to not leave me and at that time sobrang natatakot talaga ako na mawala siya kahit nung minsan na niloloko niya lang ako at sinasabing 'break na tayo'. Nakakamiss din yung kahit na ang lamig lamig sa labas ng bahay sa gabi eh naguusap pa din kami. Bakit sa labas? Hekasi baka makita ako ni papa. hahahaha. ^^V
Naalala ko din nung gumawa kami ng tigisang yahoo ID tapos kami lang yung naka-add dun para siguradong kami lang talaga mag-kachat at walang storbo. Idea pa nga niya yun eh. I consider him as my first love kasi sa kanya lang ako naging sobrang honest, i mean talagang walang tinatago.
Remember nung umuwi ako ng Pinas to spend Christmas, he told me that time nung umuwi daw ako eh nakatulong pa daw yun kasi nalaman niya na napamahal na talaga siya saken. Para nga siyang sirang plaka at paulit-ulit niyang sinasabi sakin kung gaano niya ko kamahal. He even scolds me whenever I fail to blog about our love story.
No wonder kung bakit pagtungkol sa kanya yung bina-blog ko eh ang dami-dami kong nasasabi. Siguro dahil kahit na 4 months and 29 days lang ang pinagsamahan namin, alam kong within that, kahit minsan eh naramdaman kong minahal ako ng lubos ng isang tao at siya lang ang gumawa nun sakin. Ewan ko nga kung bakit hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin ako maka-get over sa kanya. I mean, umaasa pa din ako na magiging kame. HAAYS :(
Malapit na pala birthday nung hunghang na yun.. MARCH 24. At hindi ko naman siya mababati dahil di naman kami nag-uusap. Onga pala, one day he PMed me. Told that 'musta ka na??' and asked kung may pag-asa daw ba yung kaklase niyang nangliligaw saken. Naisip ko nga eh, ba't naman niya itatanong if he really doesn't care about that whole thing? Ano? Pag-titripan na naman nila ko? HAHA, mahal pa tlaga ko nang taong yun. Tiis lang ng konti. Kaya pa to. :>
Walang araw na hindi ko siya inisip. Di ko alam kung kumaen na ba siya, how was his day, kung ano na ginagawa niyang kalokohan.. and if he has found someone else BETTER. I swear, napapaiyak ako pagsiya na ang napapagkwentuhan.. at pagnag-tatanong sila kung ano nangyare.
May flashback na naman ako. hahaha~
Sabe niya nuon, malapet na Valentine's.. hayaan mo pag14 bibigyan kita ng isang baldeng rosas. Tapos sabi pa niya, pumunta daw ako sa 3rd year girls at i-distribute sa kanila isa isa. Sabi tuloy nung kaklase ko, saken daw yung balde. Haha mga kalokohan talaga nung gagong yun. Alala ko pa nuon, ang sabi niyang gusto niyang pangalan sa isang dosenang magiging anak namin eh 'Moxii the first' 'the second'.. and so on.. di mo din aakalaing masayahin pala talaga siyang tao.
Hais. Alam ng Dios kung gaano ko pa din un kamahal at kasabay naman nun yung sobrang saket na nararamdaman ko't pagsisisi ngayong nawala siya sakin. BV.
I wish I could hv him back. But, in what ways? I mean, how.. when he's happy and contented right now? Now tell me, is moving on the ONLY way to get the road back to happiness? :c
